Making Friends
I have to tell you about a new friend. Well, we have known each other all our lives. We even rode the same bus as kids, but we didn’t really run in the same circles.
She had a different set of values and standards than me and so I never really got close to her until about 6 years ago when I decided to intentionally befriend her. I guess I am eager to tell you about her because her friendship has been really transformative in my life.
Building a new relationship isn’t all rosy. So, just relax this is not one of those stories. Our friendship has slowly grown, even if clumsily, and I really enjoy her presence these days.
I remember talking with another longtime friend back when I was first thinking of really leaning into this new relationship. As I shared my intentions with him he looked as me with exasperation, shook his head and told me that he would never welcome her into his life, and maybe not even her name into his vocabulary. His strong reaction gave me pause.
Was I misguided? Should I reconsider?
But I couldn’t shake the inner nudge I felt to open some space in my life for her. And so I did.
We began to get to know each other through short and causal visits at first. But then I invited her over for a meal. Sharing time at the table is lovely and I was really quite happy to set up a time to share some hospitality with her.
So, here’s the thing, she never calls or texts before she comes waltzing up the back steps. Sometimes we tell people that’s a thing “Come on over anytime!” And then they do. And anxiety and excuses for our clutter come splattering down our chins just like a runaway meatball.
But when she comes she also always has some small gift in hand—something simple and beautiful, fragrant or delicious.
Inevitably she comes when the sink is full of dirty dishes and the mountain of laundry needing to be folded is almost to the ceiling. I cringe as I open the door knowing that the floors are not clean and there is dried toothpaste in the sink and God knows what else on the walls, counter and floor of the kid’s bathroom.
Sometimes I just can’t let her in. I tell her it’s not a good time. She doesn’t get mad. She smiles and extends her hands offering her gift anyway.
I can’t say I have been a great friend to her. In fact when she has shared some of her core ideas with me I have not always been welcoming. Honestly, I have pushed her away, even stomped off and slammed the door a time or too.
But she is patient and kind, and when I sit with her I notice my body settles and my shoulders come down from their perch near my ears. And I can breathe. I feel peace and spaciousness when she’s over for tea.
I can’t wait to introduce her to you.
It’s funny that over these last few years as our friendship has grown people have even mentioned how much we look like each other. Strange how you grow to resemble the ones you spend a lot of time with.
Anyway, I hope you’ll welcome her when we come to your door together soon. Oh, and her name is Good Enough and making friends with her has changed my life.
